Neither know we what to do, but our eyes are upon Thee

Second Confession:  I am still buying books even as I know that our moving specialist told me I would need to reduce what I had hoped to take to Australia by half.  In fact, one of the first things I did after making the big decision to move was to purchase Patrick O'Brian's entire Master and Commander series.  After all, almost all of my admittedly small knowledge of Australia at the time I could trace to O'Brian's Desolation Island.  Plus I figured the books would serve as a good stress reliever during the turmoil of relocating.

I now doubt whether the O'Brian books will make it into the container, but one book that will find a spot is Eric Metaxas' splendid new biography, Bonhoeffer:  Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy.  Instead of escaping into the delightful world of Captain Aubrey and his surgeon-mate Stephen Maturin, I have spent the past few weeks living in Germany during the 1930s and up to the time of Bonhoeffer's execution at the hands of the Nazis.  I had expected this to be a book which I would have to force myself to finish, but instead I found myself deeply moved and almost inhabiting this frightening world of Hitler's Germany.

Self-pity during this period of separation from Ross before our move became an impossibility as I read of the increasing persecution not only of the Jews in Germany, but also of those few who dared to oppose Hitler.  Although our circumstances were very different from Bonhoeffer's, I found some remarks that he recorded in his diary on decision making very relevant:

"It is remarkable how I am never quite clear about the motives for any of my decisions.  Is that a sign of confusion, of inner dishonesty, or is it a sign that we are guided without our knowing, or is it both? . . . The reasons one gives for an action to others and to one's self are certainly inadequate.  One can give a reason for everything.  In the last resort one acts from a level which remains hidden from us.  So one can only ask God . . . to give a merciful judgment on today and all its decisions."

At the time he wrote these words, Bonhoeffer had escaped from almost certain death in Germany to New York where many felt he should remain until the end of the war so that he could help rebuild the church in Germany after Hitler.  Bonhoeffer, however, realized he had made a mistake and would soon return to his suffering brothers, a decision that understandably brought dismay to both his family and his friends, and did in fact ultimately lead to his death.

The verse in the title of this blog post comes from a sermon that Bonhoeffer preached in 1932.  His friend Franz Hildebrandt used it as the text for the sermon he in turn preached at the memorial service held in July of 1945 in London after Bonhoeffer's death became known.  It has remained with me almost constantly since I read it two weeks ago, and today, I share it with you:

"Neither know we what to do, but our eyes are upon Thee."  2 Chronicles 20:12

Comments

[Deborah]

Christie, this is awesome. A great way to record this amazing journey on which you and your family are embarking. And a great way for others to keep up with what is going on w/ you. Keep up the great writing. We will miss you!

[Shanda]

This moved me deeply. Thank you so much for sharing this, especially that wonderful verse, which will also help me as I make decisions now and in the future.