In Memory of a Friend

A few days ago when I first began writing about friendship, grief, and loss across the seas, I had no idea that I would wake up the next morning to the kind of news that is never welcome.  Noticing the name of a friend of mine in the subject line of an email made my heart sink. A quick scan of the content confirmed the worst, and I began to grieve.

It still seems impossible that Bobbie could be gone so quickly.  I cannot quite believe that it is true, partly I am sure because I do not want it to be so.  My heart aches for her children and husband.  Their grief and loss I cannot begin to comprehend.  At a time like this, I feel the distance between Australia and North America more than ever.  I long to be present to mourn with those who mourn and to weep with those who weep.  All I can do from this distance is to pray, to remember, and to offer a few words of tribute in this post.

There are many, many people who knew Bobbie far better than I.  I have considered whether I should even write about her.  But she touched my life during the six years that I spent homeschooling our children in Pittsburgh, and I feel a deep desire to share here what I appreciated about her since I cannot be present to do so in person with others who loved her.

When I think of Bobbie what first comes to mind is her generous, and thoroughly genuine, spirit. There was a refreshing absence of pretense about her.  Her forthrightness made me love her almost at once.  Spending time with her revealed to me that I was not as honest with others as I should be.  Far from resenting this, however, I turned to her in times of need. When I encountered difficulties in my attempts to both teach and be a mother to my children, Bobbie was one who of those who helped me more than most.  I think this was because I felt I could be completely open with her.  I wasted no time worrying about what she would think of me, but was able to pour out my heart to her.  She listened, she truly heard me, she sympathized from the depths of her own experience, and that I appreciated even more than her advice, which in and of itself proved to be quite useful.

I remember Bobbie's love for the performing arts, her joy in ballet, and her pride in the performances of her children.  I remember the warmth and laughter that she brought to our book club over many years, and I long to discuss a book with her once again.  Any book, it doesn't really matter which one.

Today I hug my children a little tighter.  I look at them and consider whether they truly know in their heart of hearts that they are deeply loved by me without any condition whatsoever.  If I were to die today, would I have communicated to their inner beings what is most important about our lives on this earth?  From what I know of Bobbie, I have no doubt that she accomplished this in the time she spent with her children.  In my incomplete view of things, though, that amount of time was not nearly long enough.  I can only commit her family to their heavenly Father, the true source of comfort, life, and love.   

The loss of Bobbie will be profoundly felt I am sure in all of the communities in which she participated. The words of Paul that we do not grieve as those who have no hope have come to mind several times through the past few days.  They are a comfort, but we still do grieve, and that very deeply.

 

 

 

Comments

[Aunt Marion]

I am very sorry that you have lost a friend. Please know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

[whits end mom]

so sorry.

[Karen Morris]

Thank you Christie for your thoughtful words which rang so true about our friend Bobbie. Your blog was discussed and shared at Bobbie's memorial service and passed on by Deb Holt and Linda Siger. We mourned out loss together this morning and rejoiced in her homecoming. God is such a hope...a strength in trouble, therefore we do not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Hugs across the seas from Pittsburgh. Karen

[Christie]

Thank you all. Karen, I love the verse that you shared, and I appreciate so much your words. Truly God is our stronghold in times of trouble. What a glorious thing it will be to be reunited one day in His presence.

[Shanda Ives]

Christie, I am so so sorry about your friend. You wrote beautifully about her. My sympathy goes out to you and her family. Thinking of you!