This was the text I received at 12:38 this afternoon from our thirteen-year-old: "I have failed all my exams." That was it. No follow up explanation. When I rang his mobile number, it went directly to voicemail. I checked back throughout the day, but there were no responses to my follow up questions. I had phrased them carefully so as not to betray a sense of panic, but I didn't get any answers.
I knew that our son was getting his results back today at school after his first ever round of exam taking, but to be honest, I hadn't given much thought to his scores. I had witnessed him studying off and on the last few weeks. At least he appeared to be studying. He had his books spread across the dining room table along with a pile of notes that he had cobbled together from the dusty piles under his bed. Occasionally I would notice an ipod sticking out from underneath one of his textbooks, and I would scold him, but generally he seemed to be engaged with the material that needed to be reviewed.
I texted his father about the failed exams and got an immediate call back. I had to explain that I didn't have any further explanation. Then I phoned my parents, which I had been planning to do in any case, and drove them a bit crazy with my speculations. We did manage to discuss other things than what this kid was going to do with the rest of his life now that marine biology seemed to be out of the picture.
Finally, I emailed the form teacher, who tracked down our son for me, and by the end of the day, was able to assure me that he had not in fact failed all of his exams. She was pretty sure he even had a couple of good results. She sent a further email to explain that his phone was dead. Of course it was. He had just enough time to send that last disturbing text before it bit the dust.
As I waited for this child to get home from school, I thought about a texting incident from last week. This is what he texted before ignoring his phone for a couple of hours: 'I can't talk right now.' I assumed at the time that he was paying for the sushi that I had sent him out to buy, but when I hadn't heard anything more from him for an hour, I started to get really worried. 'Where are you?' I texted. No response. I rang him. No answer. I texted again. No response. I had visions of him tied up in the trunk of a car while the kidnapper devoured our sushi. Not only was I starting to get anxious, I was starving.
It turns out he was at the movies with a friend. By the time I had called his phone for the fifth time, he was the one who was annoyed. It was all a rather comic miscommunication. I thought the movie day was Friday, but it was really Thursday, and that led to an entire series of texts that were completely misunderstood by both of us (Actually, for the record, my texts were extremely clear, but it seems that Cameron never really read them. He was at the movies after all. And he did agree to go buy sushi for lunch, but he just texted 'ok' without bothering to read what he was agreeing to do.)
At least one of my friends has recommended texting as a good form of communication between parents and their teenagers. She prefers sending a quick text to her daughter to yelling up the stairway, and maintains that this form of communication eliminates the emotions that can quickly escalate in a face to face conversation. I am sure that this can be true. I am glad that texting works well for her, but so far I have to conclude that it hasn't been effective in our household. After today, I am ready to give up on it altogether.
Our oldest child is not much better. She does check her phone somewhat more regularly than her brother, but generally we only get one word responses. "Yes, no, ok and cool" are about the limit of her texting repetoire, at least when it comes to replying to dad and mom. I have a feeling that she is much more communicative to her friends.
I had no sooner concluded that in our family we had better stick with face-to-face conversations when the author of the 'failed all my exams' text walked through the door. It's a good thing that he has an infectious grin. It's also a very good thing that he invariably takes my side when I happen to be involved in family arguments. If Ross and I have a rare disagreement in front of the children, I can count on our older son to support me. And it goes without saying that he takes my side when either of the girls and I are having one of those all-too-common mother daughter spats.
Otherwise I would have throttled him as Ross suggested (via text of course) when he produced his stack of exam papers. There were no big red 'F's sprawled across the top, although one or two looked fairly dubious. Somehow he had managed to skip an entire, important section of a test, but that could be chalked up to inexperience.
'What were you thinking when you sent that text?' I asked. 'Mom, you took me far too literally,' he explained. 'I meant fail as in I didn't do as well as I hoped. I don't see why it was such a big deal.' I looked at him and agreed that I had worried far more than was necessary.
Then I resorted to that favorite comeback of nearly all parents everywhere, 'Just wait until you have kids of your own. Then you will understand.'
Oh my Christie, I was laughing so hard when I read this!! Both for you and for Cameron! You may have freaked out just a bit?! Maybe? Such a good caring Mom you are to get so upset! I guess maybe I have thought- "I failed it all" too many times myself to take someone else's so literally. What a frustrating afternoon that must have been.
On the other hand- if my child has a dead phone- they had better get on someone else's phone and tell me or get their butt home immediately!!!! We take texting/communicating when out of the house seriously here - read it and answer appropriately and promptly or you don't go out for a LONG time! (Ok- maybe a week)
Oh the trials one must live through now that will bring back so many wonderful memories when retold years from now!
Posted by: Suzanne | 12/02/2013 at 11:54 PM
Suzanne, I am glad that you got a good laugh out of the story. It is funny now that it is over. You were the friend I had in mind, by the way, that recommended texting to me. That was a long time ago. Clearly I need some followup advice from you---I will keep in mind the way you impose consequences if the phone is ignored.
Posted by: Christie | 12/03/2013 at 06:14 AM