Is there a Good Way to Say Good-bye?

We have reached the stage of living out our last full month in Melbourne.  I have been trying to ignore that fact, but daily I seem to be reminded of it by someone or something.  After church this past Sunday my friend Gillian remarked that she had felt emotional thinking about the fact that it was our last communion Sunday in Australia.  That hadn't occurred to me until she mentioned it.  The day suddenly became less cheerful, and it made me wonder, "Is it better to mark each last event for what it is, or is it better to remain oblivious?"

I don't know if there is a correct answer to this question.  I probably tend to lean toward making good-byes intentional rather than persisting in a state of denial.  I wouldn't like to just hop on an airplane and never return without having gone through the rituals of leave-taking.  But to spend every moment considering, "Will this be the last time I/we visit this cafe, or ride this particular tram, or walk this street to school in the morning?" quickly becomes depressing.  It interferes with appreciating the joy and pleasure in the everyday moments.

We have begun the process of finding homes for most of the things we have accumulated over the past four years as we don't plan to take much back home with us.  The cost of shipping is prohibitive, and it never was our plan to return with more than we brought in any case.  This is of course proving to be more difficult than we thought.  R and I don't always agree about what falls into the 'cannot be replaced' category, and then we have the opinions of four other beings to take into consideration.  Still, we have had some measure of success in paring down our belongings and sending out loads of things to be distributed.  This has been both helpful and sad. It has felt freeing to say good-bye to many of our things, but with each item that departs, so go some of our memories.

We have planned one last trip on the Great Ocean Road for this coming weekend, several 'last' trips to restaurants, and of course there will be the 'last' night in our house and the 'last' day at school.  Those occasions will be duly marked and noted.  But when it comes to the 'last' time seeing faces of friends, that I would rather not acknowledge.  Better to think and say, 'See you later,' or perhaps 'Good-bye for now.'

I would be interested in hearing how some of you handle the process of saying good-bye.  Should we mark all the 'lasts' or would it be better to act as if they aren't happening?

R and I have been taking advantage of his recent liberation from work to visit our favorite cafes. I thought it was appropriate when he chose this sandwich, called "Identity Crisis," from the menu the other day.

 

Comments

[Kelli]

We have left four countries (not including our home countries) and I am definitely a 'mark the last time' kind of girl. It reminds me to really notice and appreciate the sights and sounds and smells. It's sad but I have some really good memories of last times because I took the time to notice them. I don't know how that will change having kids. I think I missed a post- where are you guys headed?

[Christie]

Thanks, Kelli, for the input to focus on making good memories. We are headed back to Pittsburgh in April.

[Kent Keller]

I so wish we could be there to help as you helped us in our leaving.
I personally have the philosophy that I am always "sad to leave, happy to arrive". We tried to have a goodbye party for each child with a select set of their friends. Maia's and Jaden's were combined with their birthdays. Having a good time with friends to cap it off was so good. Same for the party that we held at our office. So many great people (including you) came and it is still in my memory today. While the country was wonderful and the places amazing, we miss the people the most.

[Emma]

I understand what you are going through,a s we are preparing to leave our home of 6 years, to relocate to Australia, I think it is a fine balance between getting too emotional and enjoying and savor the last moments... It's bittersweet. Good luck with everything! And thank you for a great blog, that has been part of my prep work for moving to Australia from Europe. x

[Jen_At_DTWB]

I dread this moment in our DR adventure, mostly for the people.

[Suzanne]

I'm no help! Haven't left anywhere that I can't return to within a days drive. But maybe you can look at each event and outing with friends as 'I'm glad we have one more time to...' I have more of a denial attitude. Left a job I was at for 6 years without telling anyone it was my last day, left a church I was at for 13 years without saying goodbye but then I can run into those people around town randomly so it's totally NOT the same thing. :) but just showing that I'm no help! However, I try to treat the stages of life as you are looking at leaving Australia. As the kids grow, I will no longer be seeing or doing such and such.....whatever it may be. I try to savor it and enjoy it one more time as we move on with life rather than ignore that life does go on. I suspect that your memories will be fantastic and surely painful while they are fresh but life will move on and more memories will be made.

[Christie]

Kent, I appreciate your comments. I remember that time period well when you were preparing to leave. I'm glad you were able to have a good time with good friends, and I appreciate the advice to leave sad but arrive happy. It will be good to connect with you and Crystal, and know that you can relate to our feelings as we settle back in to the U.S.

Emma, I'm so glad that my blog has been helpful, and I want to wish you all the best as you go through your own bittersweet moments in the near future. I hope you enjoy Australia as much as we have.

Jen, you are so right that it's mostly about the people. I made this post more about 'last' events, but I plan to dedicate one or more posts to people in the near future.

Suzanne, I always appreciate your support and advice. Looking forward to seeing you more often in the future!

[Samantha]

I just watched the episode of The Office where Michael leaves & it's so painful for him - he tells everyone that is last day of work the next day (when really it is his final day) & let's them all go about their business as usual, while privately going around and telling everyone his goodbyes - then quietly slips out and the end of the day.

I don't know if there is any right way to do goodbyes. It's hard - and I suppose everyone has to do what it right for them. You don't want to be so depressed about all the "final times" that you don't enjoy the rest of your time here in Oz - so, I think you have struck a good balance. :-) Best wishes through this time.

[Christie]

Thanks, Samantha. That's interesting about the Office episode, because that's close to what R did last week. People knew it was his last day, but he waited until everyone was busy and slipped out early so he didn't have to say any good-byes.